How to Survive Your Teenager and Eliminate Dropouts

Every stage of life carries with it certain tasks of emotional development and adolescence is no exception. 

Adolescence is a major developmental bridge lasting from approximately thirteen to eighteen and can be an extremely stressful time for any parent. 

During this developmental period, adolescents have the following tasks to accomplish: 

• establish their own identity; 
• give up childhood dependency; 
• develop their own values; 
• deal constructively with authority; 
• learn to deal with the opposite sex; 
• and, handle their rampant physical and emotional changes. 

All this, while on the surface, rejecting their parent.

Teenagers Learn to Emulate Their Parent's Values
Recent research, however, indicates that teenagers learn to emulate their parent's values more than they do their friends'. If you value education and demonstrate it by your behavior, your child will pick up on it. The research indicates that the enduring values of their parent are in fact transmitted.

So then as the parent you should take a look at what you can do to more positively influence your teenager, prevent the possibility of your youngster dropping out of school, and get through the often tumultuous adolescent years with less stress.

Here are six actions you can take:

1. Don't fail their test of your love. If you must withhold, withhold your approval, not your love.

2. Don't insist on intimacy. Communication comes in many forms. If you are fortunate enough to have an adolescent who shares his or her feelings, that's great. If not, don't force it.

3. Be sure your teenager has some reasonable amount of privacy.

4. Set parental limits. Make your standards and expectations very clear, but not excessive. Excessiveness invites rebellion.

5. Take their problems very seriously no matter how small they may seem.

6. Finally, like everything else in life, realize that adolescence like everything else will pass. Keep your sense of humor and learn how to laugh at what is often only a temporary difficulty.

Indications of Genuine Teenager Difficulty
On the other hand, there are some indicators of genuine difficulty in an teenager such as: schoolwork becomes a significant problem; there is persistent fighting and arguing at home or school; physical complaints, anxiety, and depression of a chronic nature; there is significant difficulty in your child's social life such that she begins to avoid friends and isolate from others; and, any self-destructive behavior, sexual promiscuity, drug use or abuse.

When professional help is recommended, I will often recommend an intervention which involves to one degree or another the entire family. While often adolescents do need their own individual counseling, time spent working with the entire family can be particularly helpful to everyone involved.


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